There is a very specific type of silence that exists on a Sunday in Switzerland.
If you live here, you know exactly what I mean. The shops are closed, the streets are empty, and the entire country seemingly retreats indoors for family time. During my first year, that Sunday quiet felt incredibly loud. It was a weekly reminder that I hadn’t quite found my people yet.
Social media loves to sell us the aesthetic version of moving abroad: arriving in a new city and instantly finding a vibrant, diverse group of best friends to get matcha lattes with. But the reality of making friends as an adult is notoriously clunky. Making friends as an adult in a foreign country, while studying in a second language and trying to rebuild your confidence? That is an entirely different sport.
For a while, I put my social life on pause. I was carrying around extra stress weight, feeling awkward in my clothes, and convinced myself I needed to be “ready” before I could put myself out there. I thought I had to lose the weight, master the German language, and have my life perfectly together before I was worthy of anyone’s friendship.
Furthermore, I was intimidated by the local social culture. Swiss people are famously loyal, but cracking into those established friend groups—where people have known each other since kindergarten—felt like an impossible task.
But eventually, I got tired of waiting for my life to magically start. I had fought so hard to secure my apartment and survive my first university exams; I realized that having a beautiful living room isn’t enough. A home is made of people.
If I wanted a vibrant life here, I couldn’t wait for a friendly extrovert to simply adopt me. I had to do the uncomfortable work of putting myself out there. This was the birth of my “Saying YES” strategy.
I started treating the pursuit of friendship with the exact same relentless discipline I used for my apartment hunt. I applied for Tandem program to master my German skills and make a friendship with a local person. I forced myself to attend university networking events, even when I really just wanted to stay home and watch Netflix.
Let me tell you, going on “friend dates” is both hilarious and exhausting. You have to explain your entire life story over and over again. You sit over coffees, navigating awkward silences, trying to figure out if your senses of humor align, all while translating your personality through a second language.
But slowly, the math started to work in my favor. I met one girl for coffee who completely understood my struggles with the university system. Through her, I met someone else. I started saying “yes” to every single invitation, even if my German was clumsy, and even if I didn’t feel perfectly styled.
If you are reading this from a quiet room, feeling like you are the only person in the world without a safety net today, please listen to me: your people are out there. But you have to let them find you.
Here is what you need to remember about closing the friendship gap:
1. Stop waiting for the “perfect” version of yourself Do not put your social life on hold until you lose the weight, learn the language perfectly, or land the perfect job. You are worthy of connection exactly as you are right now, in all your messy, perfectly human glory.
2. Expat friends are your ultimate anchor In the beginning, I thought I was failing if I didn’t have a purely Swiss friend group. But there is a profound, beautiful bond that forms between expats. You are all untethered, navigating the same bureaucratic nightmares, and missing the same comforts of home. Lean into the international community.
3. Be the initiator Assume everyone else is just as intimidated to make the first move as you are. Be the person who asks for the phone number. Be the person who suggests grabbing a coffee after the lecture. The absolute worst they can say is no.
Building a chosen family from scratch takes bravery and a lot of awkward coffees. But the first time you sit around a table in your new city, laughing until your stomach hurts with people who know the real you, you will realize every single “friend date” was worth it.
How did you make your first friendship after moving abroad?
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